I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
