well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
