She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
