You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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