I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
