Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
