No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
