Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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