apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Who died my cat blue again?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
