Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
