I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
