I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
