You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
