I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
