Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
