I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
