Come see our sink grown plant.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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