I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
