You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
please come you make the beer taste better
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
