I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
