can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
