There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
