i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
