ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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