let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
