he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
