my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
