Are we in a gay sports bar?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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