I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
