Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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