walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize