morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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