dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
