my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You made out with two different species that night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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