I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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