Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
