Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
