I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
