he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize