My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
