the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
