those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
