Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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