hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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