there's paper in my vomit.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
