what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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