So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
