i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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