dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize