and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
