no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
