Sponge bath it is.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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