I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
