we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
