Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
