I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
