Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
