I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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