I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
