im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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