Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
