the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
