you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
