woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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