i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
