I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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