Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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