I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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