Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
