yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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