i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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