I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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