sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
