ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
