Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
