I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
