I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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