just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
