I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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