people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
